Anglo-Saxophones

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Bum-Ba-Bummmm! It's Vaticanews!

Greetings,

As promised, here's a weekend edition of Vaticanews:

Vaticanews 06/27/09

BULLETINS:
Vatican Denies that Benedict Made a Reasonable Decision
Last week, the Vatican inexplicably issued a statement condemning a claim made by Rev. Peter Gumpel which was neither negative nor untrue. Gumpel believes that Pope Benedict is delaying the beatification of Pope Pius XII to preserve relationships with the world's Jewish population. Pius was pontiff during the Holocaust, you see, and if becoming a saint wasn't difficult enough, being accused of not doing enough to stop Hitler is bound to further complicate things. So it seems reasonable that Benedict would take his time with this one. In fact, at a conference last October, Benedict said he would give "serious consideration" to freezing the sainthood process until Pius' archives could be opened and fully examined (which will take years). But just because the Pope says it doesn't mean the Vatican has to agree.
(source= The Washington Post)

Thunderstorms: No Match For Jesus or Modern Air Travel
Last Sunday, Pope Benedict XVI was all set to take a helicopter (holycopter?) to the burial site of St. Padre Pio, when a sudden thunderstorm made the trip impossible. But the Pope wasn't about to be bested by some random act of God, so he took a plane instead. Once he arrived, Benedict gave a speech which included the Gospel story of Jesus calming a storm to make a journey of his own. Presumably Jesus would've just gotten on a plane, too, if he hadn't already been out at sea when the bad weather began. The real point of Benedict's trip was to honor St. Padre Pio, but we didn't have anything to say about that, so we're focussing on the storm.
(source= Catholic News Service)

HEADLINES:
Vatican Daily Paper Pulls a Serious WTF
Michael Jackson's death on Thursday has been claiming countless headlines, as is to be expected. But who could've imagine that L'Osservatore Romano, the Vatican's official daily newspaper, would have something to say about it? Not only that, but what they had to say is actually quite bizarre.
Let's start with this quote: "But will he really be dead? It wouldn't be surprising if, in a few years, he was spotted in a gas station in Memphis, perhaps with his former father-in-law, Elvis Presley." Yes, L'Osservatore Romano, it most certainly would be surprising, it just wouldn't be more surprising than that sentence. And it doesn't stop there. The article also discussed when Jackson "was still black", as well as his racial "crossover" saying, "maybe [he] didn't simply want to become white, but to transcend boundaries, even artistic ones, imposed by ethnic identities." Nevermind that Jackson always attributed his change in complexion to a skin condition, L'Osservatore Romano calls 'em like they sees 'em.
But the biggest question here is: why did this article get written at all? There's no article on Ed McMahon or Farrah Fawcett. What particular interest does the Catholic world have with Michael Jackson's death? Perhaps it's solidarity amongst alleged pedophiles. Alleged. Pedophiles.
(sources= Inquirer.net & Reuters)

New Space Pope

What it is?

It's been a long time since we've heard from Space Pope, but luckily she's back and just as hard-hitting as ever. Check her new post here.

And come back this weekend for a new Vaticanews, mini-strip, and who knows what else?

Much love,
Y&W P

Va-Va-Va-Vaticanews

Friends! Enemies! Strangers! Listen up close!

Here's a new Vaticanews to satisfy your craving:

Vaticanews 06/18/09

BULLETINS:
Villanova's Virtual Vatican Visit
It doesn't matter who you are, using the Internet is easier than traveling to Italy. Which is why Villanova University is using both its technological know-how and its long-standing relationship with the Catholic church to cut out the middle man with virtual tours of the Vatican's holiest hot spots. Not only that, but the tours allow users to zoom in on things they couldn't see with the naked eye, which means that going to the Vatican in real life may soon be a disappointing experience when held up against the virtual version. Much like how the Internet has affected sex, shopping, and academic research.
(source= The Philadelphia Inquirer)


How Chris West Makes Catholicism Kinky
Chris West has no official authority in the Catholic world but that doesn't stop him from telling couples to pray over each other's genitalia, urging Catholics to rediscover the Virgin Mary's "abundant breasts," and condoning anal sex as long as it precedes traditional intercourse. West is the author of Good News about Sex and Marriage, a book which attempts to combat the shame and fear he thinks many Catholics feel about their sexual desires. Or maybe all it does it attempt to be provocative and bizarre enough to give West his fifteen minutes. Like when he blesses women's ovaries at seminars. Or the "very profound historical connections" he sees between John Paul II and Hugh Hefner. Or the rest of his career.
(source= Slate)

HEADLINES:
Benedict Starts "Year of the Priest" Celebrations with Angry Letter
Pope Benedict XVI has declared that June 2009-June 2010 will be the Year of the Priest. China had already declared that 2009 was the Year of the Ox, but lucky for Benedict, these are not mutually exclusive.
What does it mean to have a Year of the Priest? For one, St. John Vianney is finally getting promoted from patron saint of parish priests to patron saint of priests worldwide. And next June, St. Peter's Square is set to host the World Meeting of Priests, which ought to be the party of the century. Problem is, Benedict's cracking down on moral corruption. Pope Buzzkill XVI.
Benedict published a letter today asking for "frank and complete acknowledgement" of the Church's mistakes. The pontiff never directly referenced any one of a myriad of priest-related scandals in recent years: child abuse, controversial abortions, denying the Holocaust. Instead, he frankly and completely acknowledged that there have been "situations which can never be sufficiently deplored." He is of course, right about these situations, and right to try and stop them, but you must admit that forcing priests to man up to their mistakes is hardly the way to kick off the Year of the Priest festivities. Not even so much as a pizza party at the roller rink? Tough love, Benedict. Tough love.
(sources= Catholic News Service & Associated Press)

"Washing Their Fleet"

Vaticanews Returns

Welcome, blog fans!

Well, we're finally settling down here in Austin, and adjusting to the heat. It's been a long while since we checked in on current papal events, however, so here's a brand new Vaticanews for ya:

Vaticanews 06/11/09

BULLETINS:
Hokey Religions and Ancient Weapons Still no Match for a Good Blaster by Your Side
Close your eyes and imagine George Lucas. Then open your eyes to read this, and close them again to re-imagine George Lucas...as an archbishop! Looks awesome, doesn't it? Well, you're wrong, because we weren't talking about the beloved beard behind Star Wars, we meant sixty-year-old clergyman George Lucas, the newly-appointed archbishop of Omaha, NE. Same name, different legacy. Now close your eyes and imagine if it actually was George Lucas the director, and what a cathedral full of alien puppets might look like.
Special thanks to God, and Industrial Lights & Magic, for making this post possible.
(source= Vatican Radio)

Vatican Confesses its Displeasure with People's Displeasure with Confession
In an interview last week, Archbishop Mauro Piacenza lamented the fact that fewer and fewer Catholics are coming to confession. At first this seems like good news, because a drop in confessions might come from a drop in sinning. However, the most recent numbers on worldwide sin don't support this theory. Piacenza blames it on people confusing confession with "the couch of a psychologist or a psychiatrist," but this seems like an easy distinction for people to make. Priests never prescribe Prozac, for example, and therapists rarely wear collars. It's possible people are drawn to the comfort of a couch over cramped wooden confessionals, but that could be overcome with a few knee pillows. So now one question remains: is there room in the Vatican's budget for knee pillows? More on that as the story develops.
(source= Associated Press)

HEADLINES:
Even the Pope Confused by God's Choices
If there's one thing God is known for, it's His mysterious ways. Classic examples include the platypus, Carrot Top, why people have to die, and the box office success of Beverly Hills Chihuahua. But in a recent discussion with a group of 7,000 children, Pope Benedict XVI expressed his confusion over a smaller, more personal matter. He wondered why, out of all the people in the world, God hired him for the position of Pope.
Benedict's bafflement comes not from a lack of desire to be pontiff, but because he finds it surprising that he was even on God's radar at all. Growing up in a tiny German village, Benedict never dreamed he could be Pope. He and his childhood friends saw the Pope at the time, Pope Pius XI, as being "unreachable, almost of another world." Like an alien lord whose futuristic technologies they would never have access to.
Almost eighty years later, Benedict finds himself piloting the mothership. While he is, of course, honored, he says even today it's hard for him to understand why he was chosen. God has yet to release a statement explaining the decision, but then again, God hardly ever publishes anything official. If there's another thing He's known for, it's keeping His mysterious ways mysterious.
(source= Catholic News Service)

"Bath Robe"

Gizzizah everybody,

There's a mini-strip below that we would have liked to have put up sunday, but as we speak some of us are in the process of moving from Boston, MA, to Austin, TX. We are only allowed to move to places that rhyme. Which would stink if we live in Orange City, FL. Hopefully once we settle down in Austin, there will be fewer delays. Look for another full color strip next Sunday!